When someone you love is nearing the end of their life, it can feel like the world shrinks. Appointments, medications, decisions, emotions. Everything starts to revolve around keeping them as comfortable and supported as possible.
If you’re a carer, you probably know this all too well. What’s less talked about? The deep exhaustion, the quiet grief, the juggling of roles, and the overwhelming feeling that you’re the only one holding it all together.
At Gather My Crew, we work with people just like you (family, partners, friends) who’ve suddenly found themselves in the role of carer. And one thing we know for sure?
You shouldn't have to do this alone.
Even when help is offered, carers often say things like:
“I don’t want to be a bother.”
“My daughter already has so much going on in her own life.”
“I'm really ok. It's not that bad. Others have it way worse than me.”
Here are five small shifts that can help ease the load:
- Let people in
Even letting someone take one small thing off your plate, lightens your plate.
Asking for or accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s how you stay strong enough to keep caring.
You don’t have to hand over everything. Start small.
Ask a neighbour to take the bins out. Let a friend pick up milk and bread while they’re already at the shops.
If five people did five tasks, your load would be lighter and no one person is left carrying all five tasks.
- Be specific when people offer help
Vague offers can be hard to action. If someone says, “Let me know if you need anything,” try replying with:
“Could you take Buddy for a walk for me, he hasn’t been out all day.”
“Actually, I’d love a home-cooked meal next week.”
“Could you sit with Mum for an hour while I get some fresh air?”
- Use tools that take the pressure off
Asking for help is one thing. Coordinating it so that it's useful to you can turn into a full-time job.
That’s where the Gather My Crew app can help. It’s free, easy to use, and makes coordinating help and care simple.
List what you need (transport, company, meals), invite your trusted people, and let them choose what they can do.
And if you don’t have the capacity to download the app, you can ask your friend/relative/neighbour to do it for you. Download the app here https://www.gathermycrew.org.au/helptech/
- Don’t wait until you’re burnt out
If you’re already exhausted, you’re not failing, you’re human. But the earlier you start sharing the load, the more sustainable this journey becomes. You’re not letting anyone down by needing rest. You’re protecting your capacity to keep going.
- Remember: your wellbeing matters too
You’re not just a carer. You’re a partner, a child, a friend, a whole person. Your needs don’t disappear just because someone else's needs have become more urgent. When you’re supported, you’re better able to care. And here’s the thing: people want to help you. When your community feels useful, they feel good too.
End-of-life care is never easy and it’s not meant to be done alone. Let people help you. Let the care go both ways. Let the village in. It benefits everyone.
You are doing a remarkable thing. You don’t have to do it alone.
Emily Chadbourne is Head of Communications & Education at Gather My Crew, bringing a decade of experience in coaching, storytelling, and community engagement. She joined in 2025, driven by a passion for making help and care a normal, celebrated part of everyday life. Emily’s work is shaped by personal experience supporting friends and family through illness, loss, and the messy middle of life, which fuels her commitment to changing how we show up for each other.