Being a palliative care volunteer is both humbling and fulfilling.

Generally people who have not been involved in Palliative Care think it will be depressing but it is in fact the opposite as any Palliative Care volunteer will tell you. Like many Palliative Care volunteers, I came to it through personal experience of the death of a loved one - my Mum. I will always be grateful to her for the privilege of looking after her at home for a couple of months and then being with her daily in a hospice for several weeks. This gave me my first understanding of the complexity of dying and death itself.

Mum was the one who planted the seed suggesting I might become a volunteer in Palliative Care. For so many people the death of a loved one is their first encounter with death. I think it’s important to note - and may come as a surprise, as it does to all new volunteers - that as Palliative Care volunteers we receive much training and how interesting it all is! The most important quality is being able to listen!

We are also well supported throughout by our wonderful co-ordinators who continue our training throughout the year and provide invaluable support and care of us as volunteers.

I have experienced being a Palliative Care volunteer in different capacities - visiting patients at home, biography, visiting patients in a dedicated Palliative Care Unit, and on a general hospital ward. Though these experiences can vary considerably, the one thing they all have in common is the provision of non-clinical interaction with patients and their carers. We see the person, not the patient. What we do is complementary to medical and clinical staff not competition.

It is such privilege to be able to offer comfort in whatever way we can and sometimes that is just the ability to listen empathically. When visiting patients in the community one can build up a rapport with not only the patient but also their primary carer. Our co-ordinator will try and match volunteers and patients with shared interests, maybe common experiences or backgrounds enabling us to draw them into conversation, establish mutual interests and distract them from their situation. Asking about family, where they come from, where they have lived and what they have done prompts memories and the realisation they have lived an interesting life, this is just another phase of that life. Often having a new audience for stories the family have heard many times before is stimulating. Comments are often that they haven’t done much, but these conversations reveal just how much they have done! On reflection everyone’s life is unique and this is so life affirming. To see their face light up in a smile of joy or pleasure as they recount their tales is beautiful. (I treasure a comment from a wife, so tenderly, that it was so good to hear him laugh again.)

Of course, when we become involved in these lives for any length of time we tend to remember these special connections, especially those we had many things in common with. I still cherish some native orchids from the garden of a patient I visited for over a year - our love of gardening having formed a strong bond. I remember her with great fondness every time I tend to them and especially when they flower.

Diagnosis of a terminal illness is not just shocking to the recipient but to their loved ones too. Most of the attention will naturally go to the patient but carers may also have issues of their own and may neglect their own care. Volunteers are in an intimate position to see such things and pass such information to our co-ordinator in case help is available from the larger support team.

For carers the visit can be a time of respite, to do errands or have a haircut, or even a husband and wife going out for lunch together for the first time in months as they hadn’t been able to leave their loved one alone. It can also be an opportunity for them to voice their concerns (or even vent knowing confidentiality is maintained). This is often conducted on the doorstep as we are leaving and will result in a relaxation of tension. Their focus is on their loved one, who naturally receives most of the attention, even if predominantly medical. It can be the reassurance from a volunteer that their feelings of being overwhelmed and even of guilt are completely normal (how I wish I’d known this when my Mum was near death and my brother and I hoped she would go quietly in her sleep).

Visiting in the community is different from visiting in a Palliative Care Unit where often time is short. To visit on a general ward is even more confronting with the constant activity all around. Whichever circumstance patients find themselves in, the fact that volunteers are giving their time freely and are non-clinical is most important. Once rapport is established, chatting or a comforting hand massage can help reduce tension in patients and carers alike. I have seen the power of the touch of a hand, or just being quietly present with those who may be unresponsive, many times - witnessed the relaxing of breath and features  when a warm presence is keeping them company.

In the unit, conversations with carers can flow organically as one is tidying the kitchen, changing the water in flower vases or setting out morning tea, and carers will often open up about their concerns. Carers sometimes feel at a loss and don’t know where to turn. We can give carers a break, sitting with their loved one while they get a proper coffee, make some phone calls or just have some time to themselves. I haven’t forgotten the wonderful clinical staff who are there every day dealing with life and death. A friendly smile from a volunteer, or offer of assistance can lighten the mood and sometimes a little chat is just what they need too!

I started by saying that being a palliative care volunteer is both humbling and fulfilling. It is humbling that those in such a vulnerable position trust enough to open up about their lives to a complete stranger. It is fulfilling when one sees them light up with stories of their life, when they were younger and healthy and full of promise. When I look back on my time with my Mum I remember the smiles as well as the tears, the shared laughter and deep confidences, but mostly the smiles. I will always be so grateful for that precious experience. I love meeting such diverse and interesting people. It is such an honour to be part of the Palliative Care volunteer community.